Ok, so we’ve all read numerous books, magazine articles and rantings on this blog telling us what we SHOULD be doing to get great results when it comes to weight loss and changing your body composition. But because I like to be different, I’m going to give you the ‘anti-results’ fat loss plan, follow this plan if you want to get slow or minimal results, I can GUARANTEE this system will work for you.
If you’re going to do any exercise at all (it’s much easier to just not eat) then be sure to make long steady cardio the basis of your training, try to work at the lowest intensity possible so you can run for as long as you can. After a few weeks you’ll find that your jogging will get much easier as you get fitter and more capable at running , so the same 5km route you’re running won’t have the same calorie burning effect as it had when you first started because it’s not as hard.
This is easily fixed!
Just keep running longer and longer each week to make up for it. We all know there’s no shortage of time, you’re probably not too busy so just keep extending that running distance indefinitely. If you have postural issues, back pain or are a little overweight, just push through the sore knees, lower back aches, and ankle and calf pain.
NEVER do any weight training, this will make girls big and bulky, and there’s absolutely no need to be strong, injury resistant and physically capable. Just get a look at these women, they compete at the elite level in either weightlifitng or a sport called Crossfit, (which involves quite a lot of quite heavy weight training at a very high intensity). These women below are some of the word’s best at this, and they lift more weights in both amount and frequency than you’ll ever get to, or comfortably be able to fit into your weekly schedule if you have a job, family, life etc.
These women don’t look very good at all and you wouldn’t want to look anything like them so again, stay away from any heavy weight training.
I think all men and women would agree these women below look much better, all you have to do is put in 2-3 times the training time, run over 20+ km per day to burn enough body fat to stay lean and you’ll have a body with no useless, ugly, ‘bulky’ muscles. Just don’t ever reduce the amount of running you do or things will turn around pretty quickly!
And if you do decide to exercise just do it whenever you really feel like it, don’t follow any sort of routine, it’s best if you make it as sporadic and as inconsistent as possible. If you get the chance to sleep in, get drunk the night before, or just go socialize with friends instead of training then go for it as it won’t make any difference to your results but skipping these daily obligations wll greatly impact you in the long term. In 5 years time you’ll be looking back and you’ll really regret all those early mornings, skipped drinking sessions and hard workouts.
Nutrition & Diet
Eat the most convenient thing you can find, your best bet is packaged and processed foods like cereals, bread, biscuits, crackers, pastries, noodles and muffins as they are quick, easy and convenient. The best part about this food is they’re full of preservatives and all these other chemicals and additives so they’ll last an abnormally long amount of time in your pantry before they go off. Beats buying fresh fruit, veggies and meat that will only last a few days!
For dinner you need something to fill you up, a big bowl of pasta with low fat sauce should give you all the nutrients you need to go for that big jog tomorrow. Remember, as long as it says low fat on the label it’s fine to eat.
Just because we humans have eaten vegetables, fruits, meats, nuts, seeds and only natural foods for our thousands and thousands of years of existence with no obesity issues (until recently), it doesn’t mean humans haven’t improved this diet with “technologically advanced”, processed foods.
Just because there’s a weight or obesity epidemic that has a high correlation with the amount of processed foods consumed doesn’t mean anything. Most cases of people being overweight are genetic and have no connection with food and lifestyle choices anyway.
If you really want to lose weight, start depriving yourself of food wherever you can. Stop eating breakfast, skip meals, your body doesn’t really need vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and fibre to flourish, as long as you’re eating low fat and low calorie foods like mentioned above you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about hormone levels from lack of eating and nutrients for now, you can always take some drugs prescribed from your GP if things get out of whack later down the line.
Don’t worry about your metabolism slowing down when you starve yourself, it’s sort of like with the jogging I explained above, your metabolism will slow down when you deprive yourself of food so just keep eating less and less to counteract this. It’s worked for these women…
and alcohol isn’t really a food so it doesn’t matter too much. Everyone knows wine is good for you anyway, so it’s logical the more you have the better it is for you (duh!). If you don’t like wine just go for the low carb beer because the alcohol itself won’t be doing you any harm as long as you ditch some of those pesky carbs
No supplements will work they’re a big waste of time, you’re getting everything you need from your packaged and processed foods diet, plus most of the breakfast cereals you get are fortified with added vitamins anyway, it says it all over the box!
GENERAL MINDSET AND ATTITUDE
You don’t need to work hard to get good results, just look at all the magazine covers you see every day, the world is full of quick fix magic bullets, you just have to find the one that works for you, be patient and you’ll stumble across it. In fact you can follow the same lifestyle you were leading which made you put on weight in the first place, and with minimal effort make dramatic changes to your body and health. Everyone knows this is possible.
Make sure to weigh yourself every day just to make sure you don’t deviate, scale weight is the ONLY indicator as to how you look, and we all know that everybody has a predetermined weight where they will look fantastic regardless of whether that weight is composed of fat, muscle or water. If you ever put on weight on the scales, it will ALWAYS be body fat so beware of this.
And again, don’t worry about your health or physical capabilities too much it’s ALL about how you look right now. You won’t care how you look when you’re older anyway so it doesn’t matter if the lifestyle you lead today catches up with you. By the time you’re older there’ll be 60 minute hip replacements while you wait, a cure for cancer, arthritis, cardiovascular disease, it’s easy to buy a walking cane or wheelchair to get around when your lack of muscle strength and postural issues get the better of you and no doubt you’ll find someone who’ll help you out of your chair when you no longer have the muscle strength to do it on your own, (or you’re in too much physical pain).
So follow the advice on all of the above as closely as you can, you’ve got the rest of your life to spend time reclaiming your health but what matters is you do whatever it takes NOW to lose as much weight as possible on the scales as quickly as you can and as conveniently as you can without disrupting your eating pattens, work, social life, favourite t.v shows and levels of comfort. What a plan!!
AND IN CASE YOU MISSED THE FIRST PARAGRAPH OR JUST THOUGHT I’D GONE CRAZY…
THIS ADVICE IN THIS POST IS COMPLETE B.S – DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ALL THE ADVICE ON THIS PAGE AND YOU’RE SET!! 🙂
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